Been concerned lately about staying in God's presence continuously as Stan and I go about the business of OMM Productions. Life gets so busy that I fear we blunder forward and don't handle the day to day business through spiritual eyes.
People come and go, traveling through our lives here at OMM, and I wonder why God has brought them into our midst. Some may be to teach us lessons, some may be to give us encouragement, some may be to give us work. We bid of projects and some times we don't get those projects for whatever reason. So, I wonder the point? I believe these people come into our lives to teach us...about grace, about business. Some, I think, may just enter our lives in order for us to pray for them.
Who are these people? They are in Stan and my life only briefly. Perhaps no one, not a single person in their world prays for them. When there is no one who lifts this person to the throne of Grace...how sad. No one should be in that position. Perhaps it is our job when we meet someone just briefly...they cross our path for just a moment...it is our job to take them into the Throne Room and lay them at Jesus feet. I believe we do not take the spiritual world as seriously as we should. The power of prayer in the spiritual realm...we need to realize the power it wields. It's something we can't see with our earthly eyes...so the lack of earthly evidence puts us in this mode of thinking there's not much happening in that realm or that it really doesn't exist or is active.
Read Daniel 10 for a glimpse into that world...and PROOF it exists and our prayers are heard and are acted upon.
Pray that you are given eyes to see the spiritual world around us and that we will see when the Lord has brought someone into our lives that we should give mercy and pray for. It may be the only glimpse of the loving Saviour that person may get today.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Mary, Mary, quite...
Well, my G3 friends...I have some news.
Our sister Mary deserves quite the congratulations as she has accepted the Director of Development position for The Salvation Army in Atlanta, Georgia. I believe she has to be out there by February 1, 2007.
This is quite the promotion and we certainly wish for her God's richest blessings as she makes this transition. I told her she had to promise to come back for the 2007 G3 Summit.
Let's commit to pray for Mary and her family as they enter this new chapter in serving the Lord.
Our sister Mary deserves quite the congratulations as she has accepted the Director of Development position for The Salvation Army in Atlanta, Georgia. I believe she has to be out there by February 1, 2007.
This is quite the promotion and we certainly wish for her God's richest blessings as she makes this transition. I told her she had to promise to come back for the 2007 G3 Summit.
Let's commit to pray for Mary and her family as they enter this new chapter in serving the Lord.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
One More Time...
Jamee posted this back in July. Thought it was worth you all reading again. It is so good to remember in the midst of our struggles and challenges. God is "holding us," "refining us," and "purifying us."
Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."
If you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you. Whatever you're going through, you'll be a better person in the end.
Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."
If you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you. Whatever you're going through, you'll be a better person in the end.
Friday, December 01, 2006
World AIDS Day
Just finished watching "A Closer Walk" on KERA, CH13, our local PBS station. I recommend you figure out a way to see this documentary. It is a moving and realistic view of AIDS in the world today.
http://www.pbs.org/previews/closerwalk/
http://www.pbs.org/previews/closerwalk/
Friday, November 03, 2006
Words that Challenge & Inspire
Check out the books I have listed here. They come highly recommended by a woman of great faith and understanding. I've not read them yet, but I trust her recommendation. Perhaps Jamee has heard/read some of them...or one of you. Love to hear any comments.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
The Debt was Paid
You recall I spoke about forgiveness in my last blog and wondered aloud how to make it stick.
At church on Sunday the Pastor spoke about forgiveness (imagine!), and we had communion. He said, "Is there someone who hurt you? Someone who you feel owes you? Owes you a debt? Well, Christ has paid that debt for him/her. You have to do is lay that person's debt at Jesus' feet."
I know that all sounds very simple and we've all heard it before. But, my eyes were opened on Sunday. And, for the first time EVER communion made sense. It was a beautiful, soulful experience. I realized that until I forgive this person and lay his debt that he owes me at Jesus' feet and leave it there I will not be blessed and OMM will not be as blessed as it could be.
Soooo.....I arranged for Stan and I to have lunch today with our former employee. Whew. It was hard to do...but I hope the Holy Spirit spoke. I prayed hard for that. I asked for forgiveness for any hurt I had caused. It was hard to leave it at that and not look for the request for forgiveness in return. That's not what the meeting was about. If Christ had waited for the Jews, soldiers, Pilot to ask for forgiveness...He'd still be on the cross. That's not what that day was about, was it? So, it was very difficult to lay myself out there and not expect the same in return.
But, I'm pleased to say the apology did come. It was a bonus for sure...but the main thing was that I think I forgave today and it will, in fact, stick.
NEVER...NEVER...NEVER would I imagine one month ago, three months ago, etc...that I would be at this place...the place of forgiveness. I "got out of the boat" today.
To God be the Glory
At church on Sunday the Pastor spoke about forgiveness (imagine!), and we had communion. He said, "Is there someone who hurt you? Someone who you feel owes you? Owes you a debt? Well, Christ has paid that debt for him/her. You have to do is lay that person's debt at Jesus' feet."
I know that all sounds very simple and we've all heard it before. But, my eyes were opened on Sunday. And, for the first time EVER communion made sense. It was a beautiful, soulful experience. I realized that until I forgive this person and lay his debt that he owes me at Jesus' feet and leave it there I will not be blessed and OMM will not be as blessed as it could be.
Soooo.....I arranged for Stan and I to have lunch today with our former employee. Whew. It was hard to do...but I hope the Holy Spirit spoke. I prayed hard for that. I asked for forgiveness for any hurt I had caused. It was hard to leave it at that and not look for the request for forgiveness in return. That's not what the meeting was about. If Christ had waited for the Jews, soldiers, Pilot to ask for forgiveness...He'd still be on the cross. That's not what that day was about, was it? So, it was very difficult to lay myself out there and not expect the same in return.
But, I'm pleased to say the apology did come. It was a bonus for sure...but the main thing was that I think I forgave today and it will, in fact, stick.
NEVER...NEVER...NEVER would I imagine one month ago, three months ago, etc...that I would be at this place...the place of forgiveness. I "got out of the boat" today.
To God be the Glory
Sunday, September 10, 2006
What I learned this week: Forgiveness
Oh boy. This is a tough one. My husband, whom most of you know and can't help but love (ha), said to me this week, "You're such a bitter person." Ouch. Okay. No one has ever said that to me before. Leave it to our husbands or closest friends to lay it out there for ya! Well, that got me thinking. Thankfully, I didn't blow that comment off (like I'm so likely to do when my husband criticizes me and I get mad and can't see past the hurt and madNESS!).
I asked myself, "Am I bitter?" Maybe. More hurt than bitter, I think...but it may be showing itself to others as bitterness. Ouch, again. That's an awful word really. People can call me moody or impatient or opinionated, but bitter. That doesn't set well with me. I don't like that title and don't want that title.
But, ONCE AGAIN, my husband is right, I think (don't you just hate that?!), and so a little self-examination went on within me this week. I'm finding it VERY hard to forgive my former work colleague and move beyond what he did to me (although it was to the Army, but I taking it personally). Thus here I am in bitterville because I can't forgive. AND, wouldn't you know, God keeps bringing this guy into our lives (Stan and I) as if to say, "I'm not finished with him yet, and you shouldn't be either."
Geez.
Let me back up...
...there was a time some months ago (around April) when Stan and I thought there would be three in this partnership and talked at length about how we could be real instruments of the Holy Spirit in this man's life. We were humbled and excited about being positive influences in his life...we were all going through this tragedy together (losing our jobs) and Stan and I were determined to be witnesses to God's mercy and faithfulness in the midst of all this and beyond. Which we were, but then our colleague took a turn to the dark side, and Stan and I were so hurt by this that we backed off completely.
And now these months later the hurt is still there and I can't forgive. Not yet...I believe God is still working on me and this week is the latest in the healing process. I don't expect this to happen overnight, but I've traveled very far in one week. I find that odd things strike me very deeply and then I realize I'm still hurting and still healing.
For example, Stan and I were given the opportunity to go to our former studios and pick out whatever furniture was left (there wasn't any) and put a bid in on it. I found that I couldn't go....had to ask Stan to do it alone. When he called me to explain what happened, I had to stop him cold as he started to describe all that was missing in the rooms. I didn't and couldn't hear that.
Another example...
... went to lunch with a couple from the office and they started telling Stan and me who was now in our offices...I was sick to my stomach and could barely listen...I was severely depressed the rest of the day and cried when I got home.
So, it's still fresh. But, I'm learning to forgive...don't know if I'm there yet. Today at church the pastor said, "God does big things in response to our small steps." I believe that to be true. Though forgiving in this situation is a huge step for me on one level, it is a small one in truth.
God forgives. God forgives all.
When I think about all the people Jesus met when He walked this earth, I know He came across many who thought He was a kook or a religious fanatic. Many probably told Him so to His face. Many hurled insults at Him...we know many did on the way to the cross. He forgave them all?
I can't even wrap my brain around that right now because I can't forgive someone who hurt me deeply....deeply. I saw evil there and all I want to do is stay away from that evil...not continue to be near it and minister to it! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattt?????? Crazy.
Christ forgives all. Have the relatives of those killed on September 11 forgiven? What about those families who have lost a son or daughter...husband/wife...in Iraq by way of kidnapping...torture...senseless killing.
As we commemorate the 5th anniversary of 9/11...have we, as a nation, forgiven? Or are we still out for revenge? Is it possible to forgive such evil? God loves. God is Love. God forgives.
So, I'm bitter my husband says. My hurt is coming out as bitterness according to him. I think I feel totally out of control of everything so I lash out in bitterness to feel like I'm controlling something. Dave and I had a huge blow up (I did anyway) about cutting down all the bamboo on the right side of our house. The house next door has been vacant for several years. The new owner has been "working" on it for that long. The landscaping...well there isn't any at the moment...he backhoed it all down...tress, shrubs, grass, bamboo (on his side of the property line)...so there's just a big gravel pit all around his house and there's just a thin layer of bamboo on our side to cover up the ugliness next door.
Now, all of a sudden Mr. Neighbor is back and has been "cleaning" up the place with another backhoe all weekend and asked if we wanted to use the guy to take down our bamboo. Dave thought it was a great idea! He felt it needed to get leveled so it could start again next spring fresh. Imagine! I went ballistic! It was that control thing. I needed to feel in control of at least the bamboo! since everything else in my life is spinning out of control.
I woke up again this week with insomnia and panicky about this whole business venture that Stan and I are in. Once again thinking...
"What the hell am I doing?"
"I can't do this."
"I'm not any good at this."
Oh boy.
I spoke to a friend of mine tonight who is going through a really tough time with her marriage. She's having a hard time forgiving her husband.
She said to me, "All this time I've been on the defensive. Claiming 'you've done this to me', 'you're the reason I'm miserable and have become physically ill,' 'it's your fault.' 'I've done nothing wrong,' 'you've hurt me beyond belief.' Just this week I've realized that I've not been acting Christ-like in this marriage. I've been bitter (there's that word!) and hurt and angry. All valid emotions, but the Lord told me this week that it is His job to handle my husband soul...I need to work on me and become forgiving and Christ-like in all my dealings."
Wow. That hit home to me. I certainly haven't been acting Christ-like to my former colleague. I've not been doing anything other than absolutely avoiding him like the plaque. I'm not being too hard on myself as I know working through the hurt is a process. But, I'm realizing that I can't stay there. How does one forgive? How do you feel it deep...and know it is going to stick?
Sure, in church this morning I felt as though I could do it. I felt good about myself. But, seeing him face to face...even potentially workin with him in the future...sigh. I don't know. It scares me. I mean, I don't want him to think all is forgiven... he needs to pay! I'm not going to let this go just like that! I don't want to work with someone who is dishonest and deceitful. Oh, wait...I do need to forgive him.
HA. This is going to be hard!
I asked myself, "Am I bitter?" Maybe. More hurt than bitter, I think...but it may be showing itself to others as bitterness. Ouch, again. That's an awful word really. People can call me moody or impatient or opinionated, but bitter. That doesn't set well with me. I don't like that title and don't want that title.
But, ONCE AGAIN, my husband is right, I think (don't you just hate that?!), and so a little self-examination went on within me this week. I'm finding it VERY hard to forgive my former work colleague and move beyond what he did to me (although it was to the Army, but I taking it personally). Thus here I am in bitterville because I can't forgive. AND, wouldn't you know, God keeps bringing this guy into our lives (Stan and I) as if to say, "I'm not finished with him yet, and you shouldn't be either."
Geez.
Let me back up...
...there was a time some months ago (around April) when Stan and I thought there would be three in this partnership and talked at length about how we could be real instruments of the Holy Spirit in this man's life. We were humbled and excited about being positive influences in his life...we were all going through this tragedy together (losing our jobs) and Stan and I were determined to be witnesses to God's mercy and faithfulness in the midst of all this and beyond. Which we were, but then our colleague took a turn to the dark side, and Stan and I were so hurt by this that we backed off completely.
And now these months later the hurt is still there and I can't forgive. Not yet...I believe God is still working on me and this week is the latest in the healing process. I don't expect this to happen overnight, but I've traveled very far in one week. I find that odd things strike me very deeply and then I realize I'm still hurting and still healing.
For example, Stan and I were given the opportunity to go to our former studios and pick out whatever furniture was left (there wasn't any) and put a bid in on it. I found that I couldn't go....had to ask Stan to do it alone. When he called me to explain what happened, I had to stop him cold as he started to describe all that was missing in the rooms. I didn't and couldn't hear that.
Another example...
... went to lunch with a couple from the office and they started telling Stan and me who was now in our offices...I was sick to my stomach and could barely listen...I was severely depressed the rest of the day and cried when I got home.
So, it's still fresh. But, I'm learning to forgive...don't know if I'm there yet. Today at church the pastor said, "God does big things in response to our small steps." I believe that to be true. Though forgiving in this situation is a huge step for me on one level, it is a small one in truth.
God forgives. God forgives all.
When I think about all the people Jesus met when He walked this earth, I know He came across many who thought He was a kook or a religious fanatic. Many probably told Him so to His face. Many hurled insults at Him...we know many did on the way to the cross. He forgave them all?
I can't even wrap my brain around that right now because I can't forgive someone who hurt me deeply....deeply. I saw evil there and all I want to do is stay away from that evil...not continue to be near it and minister to it! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattt?????? Crazy.
Christ forgives all. Have the relatives of those killed on September 11 forgiven? What about those families who have lost a son or daughter...husband/wife...in Iraq by way of kidnapping...torture...senseless killing.
As we commemorate the 5th anniversary of 9/11...have we, as a nation, forgiven? Or are we still out for revenge? Is it possible to forgive such evil? God loves. God is Love. God forgives.
So, I'm bitter my husband says. My hurt is coming out as bitterness according to him. I think I feel totally out of control of everything so I lash out in bitterness to feel like I'm controlling something. Dave and I had a huge blow up (I did anyway) about cutting down all the bamboo on the right side of our house. The house next door has been vacant for several years. The new owner has been "working" on it for that long. The landscaping...well there isn't any at the moment...he backhoed it all down...tress, shrubs, grass, bamboo (on his side of the property line)...so there's just a big gravel pit all around his house and there's just a thin layer of bamboo on our side to cover up the ugliness next door.
Now, all of a sudden Mr. Neighbor is back and has been "cleaning" up the place with another backhoe all weekend and asked if we wanted to use the guy to take down our bamboo. Dave thought it was a great idea! He felt it needed to get leveled so it could start again next spring fresh. Imagine! I went ballistic! It was that control thing. I needed to feel in control of at least the bamboo! since everything else in my life is spinning out of control.
I woke up again this week with insomnia and panicky about this whole business venture that Stan and I are in. Once again thinking...
"What the hell am I doing?"
"I can't do this."
"I'm not any good at this."
Oh boy.
I spoke to a friend of mine tonight who is going through a really tough time with her marriage. She's having a hard time forgiving her husband.
She said to me, "All this time I've been on the defensive. Claiming 'you've done this to me', 'you're the reason I'm miserable and have become physically ill,' 'it's your fault.' 'I've done nothing wrong,' 'you've hurt me beyond belief.' Just this week I've realized that I've not been acting Christ-like in this marriage. I've been bitter (there's that word!) and hurt and angry. All valid emotions, but the Lord told me this week that it is His job to handle my husband soul...I need to work on me and become forgiving and Christ-like in all my dealings."
Wow. That hit home to me. I certainly haven't been acting Christ-like to my former colleague. I've not been doing anything other than absolutely avoiding him like the plaque. I'm not being too hard on myself as I know working through the hurt is a process. But, I'm realizing that I can't stay there. How does one forgive? How do you feel it deep...and know it is going to stick?
Sure, in church this morning I felt as though I could do it. I felt good about myself. But, seeing him face to face...even potentially workin with him in the future...sigh. I don't know. It scares me. I mean, I don't want him to think all is forgiven... he needs to pay! I'm not going to let this go just like that! I don't want to work with someone who is dishonest and deceitful. Oh, wait...I do need to forgive him.
HA. This is going to be hard!
Friday, September 01, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Every Six Steps...
There's so much to tell about these days. Life is crazy...I eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, work. I fall into bed exhausted, but then have insomnia because I'm so stressed and anxiety ridden. Worried. That's all it is...being worried.
I know. You're asking, "But why are you worried? God has brought you here. Do you think He would just leave you here?" Of course not. But, the eyes are on the storm...the wind and the waves. Not on Christ. So, one begins to sink.
I've been learning a lot lately. God is speaking...wish I could live what He's saying. Constantly struggling with my emotions. Depression. Funny. I thought Satan was hitting me hot and heavy between 3/31 and 6/2. I was in the Word every day digging through Scripture, praying and writing pages and pages in my journal. But, now...at this time is when Satan is hitting the hardest. Playing on my anxieties, my fears, my feelings of inadequacey. Whew...now more than ever I should be writing in my journal and praying and seeking His face.
It occurs to me that surely God wants me to bring my daily concerns to Him. But, more than that...more than pleading with Him about this concern or that problem, He wants me to seek His face. He wants me to want more of Him. A couple Sundays ago the Pastor talked about Ezekial and the bones. God asked him what he saw and he said it was just a bunch of bones. This is what I'm seeing...and feeling...and hearing.
Don't say what you feel.
Don't say what you see.
Don't say what you hear.
Don't rely on what the world is showing, telling, hearing. Lord, give me spiritual eyes, ears and emotional strength. Let me see it, hear it and feel it all from your perspective. Don't let the world dictate how I feel.
Don't pray what you see.
Don't pray what you feel.
Don't pray what you hear.
But, seek God. Period. Seek God.
And, (oh Lee this is for you)...God's best MO is working in the silence (Elijah-I Kings 19). My priority should be seeking to be in His presence. In His presence I gain His perspective. Then what I see, what I hear, what I feel does not overwhelm or control.
Then another Sunday, I learned more about grace.
God gives grace through people around us. Grace for change flows through people. External to the internal. You and I have the authority to make a difference. Matthew 10: 8b
Jamee gave me grace this weekend. Joanne Senft (many of you know her) gave me grace this week. April and Jim Taylor gave me grace last Thursday. Sharon and Bob, ( you know Sharon...Bob is in my small group) gave me grace last Thursday evening. God is speaking and encouraging through so many people.
Thanks to God for these lovely grace givers.
Then this last Sunday came the "Every Six Steps." II Samuel 6:13. King David, this man who loved God so much, who just wanted more than anything to be closer to Him...to know Him...was moving the Ark to it's new home in the City of David...and every six steps he sacrificed a bull and fatten calf. Every six steps. David was passionate about wanting to be in a relationship with God, to be in His presence. He was serious about it. Whatever it cost. And, he felt it had to cost him something. Can you imagine how many bull and fattened calves were needed for this?
How serious am I?
How serious are you?
Sure we sing "All there is of me, Lord." But what does "giving one's all" really mean?
I know. You're asking, "But why are you worried? God has brought you here. Do you think He would just leave you here?" Of course not. But, the eyes are on the storm...the wind and the waves. Not on Christ. So, one begins to sink.
I've been learning a lot lately. God is speaking...wish I could live what He's saying. Constantly struggling with my emotions. Depression. Funny. I thought Satan was hitting me hot and heavy between 3/31 and 6/2. I was in the Word every day digging through Scripture, praying and writing pages and pages in my journal. But, now...at this time is when Satan is hitting the hardest. Playing on my anxieties, my fears, my feelings of inadequacey. Whew...now more than ever I should be writing in my journal and praying and seeking His face.
It occurs to me that surely God wants me to bring my daily concerns to Him. But, more than that...more than pleading with Him about this concern or that problem, He wants me to seek His face. He wants me to want more of Him. A couple Sundays ago the Pastor talked about Ezekial and the bones. God asked him what he saw and he said it was just a bunch of bones. This is what I'm seeing...and feeling...and hearing.
Don't say what you feel.
Don't say what you see.
Don't say what you hear.
Don't rely on what the world is showing, telling, hearing. Lord, give me spiritual eyes, ears and emotional strength. Let me see it, hear it and feel it all from your perspective. Don't let the world dictate how I feel.
Don't pray what you see.
Don't pray what you feel.
Don't pray what you hear.
But, seek God. Period. Seek God.
And, (oh Lee this is for you)...God's best MO is working in the silence (Elijah-I Kings 19). My priority should be seeking to be in His presence. In His presence I gain His perspective. Then what I see, what I hear, what I feel does not overwhelm or control.
Then another Sunday, I learned more about grace.
God gives grace through people around us. Grace for change flows through people. External to the internal. You and I have the authority to make a difference. Matthew 10: 8b
Jamee gave me grace this weekend. Joanne Senft (many of you know her) gave me grace this week. April and Jim Taylor gave me grace last Thursday. Sharon and Bob, ( you know Sharon...Bob is in my small group) gave me grace last Thursday evening. God is speaking and encouraging through so many people.
Thanks to God for these lovely grace givers.
Then this last Sunday came the "Every Six Steps." II Samuel 6:13. King David, this man who loved God so much, who just wanted more than anything to be closer to Him...to know Him...was moving the Ark to it's new home in the City of David...and every six steps he sacrificed a bull and fatten calf. Every six steps. David was passionate about wanting to be in a relationship with God, to be in His presence. He was serious about it. Whatever it cost. And, he felt it had to cost him something. Can you imagine how many bull and fattened calves were needed for this?
How serious am I?
How serious are you?
Sure we sing "All there is of me, Lord." But what does "giving one's all" really mean?
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
And, so it begins...
Okay girls. Stan and I did it. We signed a lease today for office space. We've been duking it out for over a month with this landlord even getting to a point where we started looking elsewhere because they were being really bullheaded about some things. But, in the end they caved!!! HA! And, with great fear and trepidation we signed our lives away today for three years.
For those who live in Dallas: 1111 Mockingbird Lane, Suite 253, corner of Mockingbird Ln and I-35...just down the street from the Army!
Can't believe it. FINALLY! Now the landlord has a lot of work to do that we've asked for regarding the space...painting, carpeting, new ceiling tiles/blinds/doors, etc., etc. Our Agent wrote in the lease that we want to take possesion on September 15...but he's not sure they'll get all the refurbishing done by then. Let's hope so. This is all very exciting, but now here we are waiting again.
Business is good. Steady. But, September is looking thin. Worried about that, but we remember that's how it was at the Army. Never had jobs more than a month/six-weeks out.
Hope you all are well.
On another note, talked with Jamee yesterday. She will be in Dallas this week. She and Jim are moving Jim's daughter, Mary, to North Carolina! She'll be joining some police academy up there now. She just wasn't making it on her own. This concerns Jamee and Jim, as you might suspect. Keep them all in your prayers as Jim/Jamee try to help Mary become solid in her lifestyle and accountability.
For those who live in Dallas: 1111 Mockingbird Lane, Suite 253, corner of Mockingbird Ln and I-35...just down the street from the Army!
Can't believe it. FINALLY! Now the landlord has a lot of work to do that we've asked for regarding the space...painting, carpeting, new ceiling tiles/blinds/doors, etc., etc. Our Agent wrote in the lease that we want to take possesion on September 15...but he's not sure they'll get all the refurbishing done by then. Let's hope so. This is all very exciting, but now here we are waiting again.
Business is good. Steady. But, September is looking thin. Worried about that, but we remember that's how it was at the Army. Never had jobs more than a month/six-weeks out.
Hope you all are well.
On another note, talked with Jamee yesterday. She will be in Dallas this week. She and Jim are moving Jim's daughter, Mary, to North Carolina! She'll be joining some police academy up there now. She just wasn't making it on her own. This concerns Jamee and Jim, as you might suspect. Keep them all in your prayers as Jim/Jamee try to help Mary become solid in her lifestyle and accountability.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Georgette Does Dallas
Well, last night was a wonderful evening of food and laughter. Georgette stayed with Mark and Susan Brown (my old boss). I invited Susan to join us. Carrie met us at Gloria's. Sure did miss the rest of you. We had the best time. Fish tacos, quesadillas, tacos al carbon....yum-yum.
I've been meaning to tell you all that Georgette's brother died a little over a month ago. You remember she spoke of him at the Summit. You may want to just drop her a note of remembrance. She doing okay in that regard.
She claims she's going to be reconnecting to the email world in the next month. So, I'll pass on her email when I receive it.
We talked about each and every one of you and prayed for you all as well.
Cindy
I've been meaning to tell you all that Georgette's brother died a little over a month ago. You remember she spoke of him at the Summit. You may want to just drop her a note of remembrance. She doing okay in that regard.
She claims she's going to be reconnecting to the email world in the next month. So, I'll pass on her email when I receive it.
We talked about each and every one of you and prayed for you all as well.
Cindy
Monday, July 31, 2006
FROM JAMEE:
Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."
If you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you. Whatever you're going through, you'll be a better person in the end.
Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."
If you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you. Whatever you're going through, you'll be a better person in the end.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
What I learned this week: Good News for Cave Dwellers
"He who has never failed somewhere, that man cannot be great.
Failure is the test of greatness."
Herman Melville
**********************************************************************************
In John Ortberg's book
"If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat,"
he says...
"All of us face storms in life that threaten
to overwhelm us. Loved ones become ill.
he says...
"All of us face storms in life that threaten
to overwhelm us. Loved ones become ill.
Finances dwindle. We fail at something that's
important to us. Some people, when faced with adversity,
are energized and motivated to pursue
new learning, greater persistence, more vigorous
commitment, and more courageous hearts.
Others who face adversity feel
utterly defeated and discouraged.
They lose hope, want to hide,
and may resolve to never again
and may resolve to never again
get out of the boat.
Living in a cave--a metaphor for a time of
Living in a cave--a metaphor for a time of
difficulty and struggle--
aptly describes what it's like for us when
aptly describes what it's like for us when
things don't work the way we thought they would.
No matter how we get there,
the cave of failure is a hard place to be.
the cave of failure is a hard place to be.
Perhaps the hardest thing is that we often begin
to wonder whether God has lost track of us,
whether He really cares, whether He has forgotten
whether He really cares, whether He has forgotten
his promises. Yet God does some of His best work in
molding and shaping us
when we're in the cave.
when we're in the cave.
Sometimes you are in a cave and no human actionis able to get you out. There is something you can't fix,
can't heal, or can't escape, and all you can dois trust God. Finding ultimate refuge in God meansyou become so immersed in His presence,so convinced of His goodness,so devoted to His lordship that
you find even the cave is a perfectlysafe place to be because
He is there with you." (my emphasis)
Ortberg empasizes that our ability to live in hope--to remain focusedon Christ during the storm-is largely dependent on what we feedour minds. Ah, yes...reading the Holy Scriptures...God's Word to us.This is obviously VERY key...but also what we choose NOT toread/view/listen to is also VERY important, isn't it?
Young David lived in a cave, literally and figurtively.But, in the midst of his cave dwelling David continued to trust God.
One of the greatest statements in Scripture is:"But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God."
Ortberg says, "This is a great secret of spiritual life.When every other resource was gone, when every prop waskicked out from under him and every crtuch taken away,when he reached the point of utter failure,David encouraged himself in the Lord.
How does this happen? How do people living in the cave of failure findthe strength to venture out? What is involved in the art of receiving divine encouragement?
I believe that the starting point in dealing with failure is to honestlyface and name our discouragement. This is where David starts.We read about this in Psalm 142, described in its superscriptionas 'A Maskil of David. When he was in the cave.'The psalm was associated with this era of David's life;it was the cry of his heart when he felt destroyed by failure.This is a psalm for cave dwellers."
With my voice I cry to the Lord;
with my voice I make supplication to the Lord.
I pour out my complaint before him;
I tell my trouble before him.
"The most frequent psalm consists of someody complainingabout God. And God is apparently not put off by this at all.This is what David does in the cave. He gets quiet enoughbefore the Lord to get to the bottom of his pain anddiscouragement. He feels it in his gut.
However, many people (you?) never have the courage to do this.Instead, they seek to bury their disappointment deep down inside.They put on a stoic exterior. They force a few smiles,but in doing so they avoid experiencing the pain inside.
One of the great gifts failure can give us is the recognition thatwe are loved and valued by God precisly when we arein the cave of failure.
As long as your sense of being valuable and significant is tied toyour success, it will be a fragile thing. But when you come to knowin the marrow of your bones that you are just as valued and lovedby God when you have fallen flat on your face,then you are gripped by a love stronger than success or failure."
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Plan B
I'm reading Anne Lamott's book "Plan B; Further Thoughts on Faith." Great book. Her first book on faith is called "Traveling Mercies."
In one chapter Lamott talks about forgiveness. She speaks about the struggles she had with her Mother and how after her death Anne was left to figure out how to forgive her mother. So, Anne left her mother in the closet for two years, in her words to "let her stew in her own ashes." She goes on to say,
"I refused to be nice to her, and didn't forgive her for being a terrified, furious, clinging, sucking maw of need and arrogance. I suppose that sounds harsh. I assumed Jesus wanted me to forgive her, but I also know He loves honesty and trasnparency. I don't think he was rolling his eyes impatiently at me while she was in the closet. I don't think much surprises Him: this is how we make important changes--barely, poorly, slowly. And still, He raises His fist in triumph." (my emphasis)
In another chapter Lamott talks about holiness:
"Holiness has most often been revealed to me in the exquisite pun of the first syllable, in holes--in not enough help, in brokenness, mess. High holy places, with ethereal sounds of stained glass, can massage my illusion of holiness, but in holes and lostness I can pick up the light of small ordinary progress, newly made moments flecked like pepper into the slog and the disruptions."
In yet another chapter Lamott tells a lovely Hasidic story of a rabbi who always told his people that if they studied the Torah, it would put Scripture on their hearts. One of them asked, 'Why on our hearts, and not in them?' The rabbi answered, "Only God can put Scripture inside. But reading sacred text can put it on your heart, and then when your heart breaks, the holy words will fall inside.'"
In one chapter Lamott talks about forgiveness. She speaks about the struggles she had with her Mother and how after her death Anne was left to figure out how to forgive her mother. So, Anne left her mother in the closet for two years, in her words to "let her stew in her own ashes." She goes on to say,
"I refused to be nice to her, and didn't forgive her for being a terrified, furious, clinging, sucking maw of need and arrogance. I suppose that sounds harsh. I assumed Jesus wanted me to forgive her, but I also know He loves honesty and trasnparency. I don't think he was rolling his eyes impatiently at me while she was in the closet. I don't think much surprises Him: this is how we make important changes--barely, poorly, slowly. And still, He raises His fist in triumph." (my emphasis)
In another chapter Lamott talks about holiness:
"Holiness has most often been revealed to me in the exquisite pun of the first syllable, in holes--in not enough help, in brokenness, mess. High holy places, with ethereal sounds of stained glass, can massage my illusion of holiness, but in holes and lostness I can pick up the light of small ordinary progress, newly made moments flecked like pepper into the slog and the disruptions."
In yet another chapter Lamott tells a lovely Hasidic story of a rabbi who always told his people that if they studied the Torah, it would put Scripture on their hearts. One of them asked, 'Why on our hearts, and not in them?' The rabbi answered, "Only God can put Scripture inside. But reading sacred text can put it on your heart, and then when your heart breaks, the holy words will fall inside.'"
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
What I learned this week...
Hello Girlfriends.
Greetings from the home office of the CFO of OMM Productions, LLC. As I sit here on my couch (!) in jeans and a T-shirt, barefoot eating a sandwich, I believe that this "owning one's own business" is not so bad. Of course, last night when I was still working at 10:00pm I was thinking, "What the heck am I doing? This is crazy!"
I leave tomorrow for Washington DC. Been hired by the Army in DC to produce a PR video. I'm there until Saturday. Then I stay over until Monday and will visit a few people at the Army's National Headquarters and schmooze a bit. For those of you who know them, I'll be staying with Stan and Leslie Melton over the weekend.
Cathy and I have recently learned a very valuable lesson about obedience. On June 25 the sermon was about "partial" obedience. The Pastor spoke about getting your house in order before God will bless you. He told a story about a land owner who had a pet monkey. Now this monkey had the run of the main house, which was fine, but he had an extremely long tail that continually knocked things over. Many of the owner's precious knick-knacks were knocked over and broken. So he told his servant to take the monkey to the barn and cut his tail off. So the servant took monkey into the barn. The land owner heard the monkey screem. But, then a few seconds later he heard it screem again. And, then a few seconds later the monkey screemed again...and again. The owner went to the barn and asked the servant, "Why is the monkey screeming so much?" The servant said, "I thought I would cut his tail off a little at a time so it wouldn't hurt as much."
Well, the lesson in that rather gross story is that partial obedience to avoid pain or hurt is not the way to go if you want God to bless your life. So, both Cathy and I each were hanging on to one thing that we each felt needed to be taken care of or put to an end instead of hanging on to it with partial obedience. It was a milestone for each of us and very tramatic and difficult to make that step...but we each did it and are confident God will bless our obedience.
C
Greetings from the home office of the CFO of OMM Productions, LLC. As I sit here on my couch (!) in jeans and a T-shirt, barefoot eating a sandwich, I believe that this "owning one's own business" is not so bad. Of course, last night when I was still working at 10:00pm I was thinking, "What the heck am I doing? This is crazy!"
I leave tomorrow for Washington DC. Been hired by the Army in DC to produce a PR video. I'm there until Saturday. Then I stay over until Monday and will visit a few people at the Army's National Headquarters and schmooze a bit. For those of you who know them, I'll be staying with Stan and Leslie Melton over the weekend.
Cathy and I have recently learned a very valuable lesson about obedience. On June 25 the sermon was about "partial" obedience. The Pastor spoke about getting your house in order before God will bless you. He told a story about a land owner who had a pet monkey. Now this monkey had the run of the main house, which was fine, but he had an extremely long tail that continually knocked things over. Many of the owner's precious knick-knacks were knocked over and broken. So he told his servant to take the monkey to the barn and cut his tail off. So the servant took monkey into the barn. The land owner heard the monkey screem. But, then a few seconds later he heard it screem again. And, then a few seconds later the monkey screemed again...and again. The owner went to the barn and asked the servant, "Why is the monkey screeming so much?" The servant said, "I thought I would cut his tail off a little at a time so it wouldn't hurt as much."
Well, the lesson in that rather gross story is that partial obedience to avoid pain or hurt is not the way to go if you want God to bless your life. So, both Cathy and I each were hanging on to one thing that we each felt needed to be taken care of or put to an end instead of hanging on to it with partial obedience. It was a milestone for each of us and very tramatic and difficult to make that step...but we each did it and are confident God will bless our obedience.
C
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Prayer
Last week at my small group (of which Sharon and her husband are the hosts) we talked about prayer and the ongoing battle between kingdoms. Sharon mentioned (hope you don't mind me saying this, Sharon) that she has been praying for her daughter and her spiritual life, and that she has been in a real bad mood lately.
The group encouraged her, and we all agreed that a spiritual battle was going on in the unseen world. This morning I came across some sermon notes from a service back in January about this very subject. I was talking to Cathy yesterday and said that I feel most Christians really don't realize or acknowledge or understand the magnitude of what actually is happening between kingdoms. This is war people. How much of our daily lives are affected or INFLUENCED by this ongoing battle...we really need to acknowledge this and begin to understand it. I think of Laurie and her continuing struggles with her boss. That is a situation that is more than just "this guy has baggage and is a pain in the ass." It's spiritual and it's a battle that has ensued since Laurie (a Christian) has entered the scene.
Here is what I wrote in my notes from January:
"There is the ongoing conflict of God's Kingdom and the kingdom of this world. We live in the midst of this tension between these two kingdoms. Prayer influences the outcome of both kingdoms...as I pray I engage the enemy in spiritual combat."
The second you speak to God there is a connection between your spirit and the throne room. Can we grasp how powerful and how incredible that is in the spiritual world?! The second that connection is made the kingdom of this world becomes paralyzed and powerless. The more we pray, the more powerful God and his angels become.
Sharon felt distressed over her daughter's attitude and demeanor, but we encouraged Sharon to KEEP PRAYING because her prayers ARE WORKING. There is obviously a struggle going on and Sharon's prayers are interrupting Satan's work. Hallelujah!!!
See Daniel 10 for a real glimpse into this unseen world.
KEEP praying.
PS. And, don't be surprised when you start praying intensely and with great sincerity that Satan's kingdom will come at your with both barrels. They'll battle back hard and fast. But, be steadfast, don't be discouraged...this only means that you ARE making a connection with the Heavenly realm and Satan doesn't like it. When you pray...it's not only God that hears your prayer...don't be fooled. Satan hears it as well. And, he'll do everything in his power to discourage, to depress, to hurt and to knock you off your new found tower of faith.
The group encouraged her, and we all agreed that a spiritual battle was going on in the unseen world. This morning I came across some sermon notes from a service back in January about this very subject. I was talking to Cathy yesterday and said that I feel most Christians really don't realize or acknowledge or understand the magnitude of what actually is happening between kingdoms. This is war people. How much of our daily lives are affected or INFLUENCED by this ongoing battle...we really need to acknowledge this and begin to understand it. I think of Laurie and her continuing struggles with her boss. That is a situation that is more than just "this guy has baggage and is a pain in the ass." It's spiritual and it's a battle that has ensued since Laurie (a Christian) has entered the scene.
Here is what I wrote in my notes from January:
"There is the ongoing conflict of God's Kingdom and the kingdom of this world. We live in the midst of this tension between these two kingdoms. Prayer influences the outcome of both kingdoms...as I pray I engage the enemy in spiritual combat."
The second you speak to God there is a connection between your spirit and the throne room. Can we grasp how powerful and how incredible that is in the spiritual world?! The second that connection is made the kingdom of this world becomes paralyzed and powerless. The more we pray, the more powerful God and his angels become.
Sharon felt distressed over her daughter's attitude and demeanor, but we encouraged Sharon to KEEP PRAYING because her prayers ARE WORKING. There is obviously a struggle going on and Sharon's prayers are interrupting Satan's work. Hallelujah!!!
See Daniel 10 for a real glimpse into this unseen world.
KEEP praying.
PS. And, don't be surprised when you start praying intensely and with great sincerity that Satan's kingdom will come at your with both barrels. They'll battle back hard and fast. But, be steadfast, don't be discouraged...this only means that you ARE making a connection with the Heavenly realm and Satan doesn't like it. When you pray...it's not only God that hears your prayer...don't be fooled. Satan hears it as well. And, he'll do everything in his power to discourage, to depress, to hurt and to knock you off your new found tower of faith.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
What I Learned This Week
Last Fall Jamee, Cathy and I began reading "If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to get out of the Boat." Every week we would email each other about what we each learned that week. I want to begin doing that here because I'm in such a unique position right now with God doing so much in my life. I feel I just have to write it down.
So, last Sunday was Father's Day and I went to church...the sermon focused on fathers, but Pastor Mark talked about King David and his life...how he was a man "after God's own heart." This interested me. I wondered why God felt this way about David. So, it inspired me to begin rereading the scripture pertaining to this guy. He started out as a shepherd, then his life took a big turn in that the King of Israel invited him to become a member of his court. David lived in luxury wanting nothing, I'm sure...then all of a sudden "he lost his job' (!) and spent a long time "on the run," living in caves...like a futitve. Well, now I'm not on the run and living in caves (although my guest bedroom feels like that), but I began to relate to this guy. I'm sure he felt wronged, abandoned and lost. But, he continued to have faith in the God of Israel. He struggled with God at times questioning the "why" and anquished over what appeared to be the strength of his adversaries, but his faith remained, maybe not strong all the time, but steadfast. And, if you read his Psalms he seems to use the "sacrifice of praise" in those times of doubt, anquish and weariness. I remember around about week four or five of the last eight weeks at the Army a distinct voice told me that I ought to be in a state of praise and worship. When I felt so lost and blind to my future...not knowing what to do or even how to pray...the voice said just praise God and worship Him...like what David did in the Psalms in his darkest hours. And, I've got to tell you it provided for an amazing transformation in my physical health, my psycological health and my spiritual health. Though I still had no answers necessarily, I had some peace of mind and my physical health was protected because the stress level went down. I just seemed to develop that deep down assurance that God was, in fact, in control and I absolutely clung to that feeling, knowledge, whatever.
Okay, back to last Sunday. The one portion of the service that really got my attention was the closing prayer by the Pastor. He was speaking to the fathers in the congregation, but it hit home. He prayed that that day would begin a new chapter for those who need to forget the past and begin anew...to close that book and focus forward. Yup, I needed to hear that. The two weeks since June 2 I had been in a real funk. Functioning, working like a dog, stressed out over the caos of beginning this new business and very depressed and feeling lost over not "having a job" to go to. I realized while hearing that prayer that I needed to close that chapter officially.
When all this began back on March 31 I had started a journal to record my life and what God was saying to me. I realized last Sunday I needed to literally "close that book." I went home and ended that journal and went back to the one I was writing in previous to March 31. Just that little act helped my attitude and depression. I set my alarm Sunday night (I hadn't been doing that up to this point) and got up on Monday, got dressed, didn't sit on the couch with David and was MSNBC, but had breakfast and "went to work." It was rejuvenating. So, this week has been a good week...a lot accomplished and a feeling of more control and satisfaction. The tremendous stress is still there, but I feel more in control of it rather than it controling me.
The OTHER huge thing I learned this week was the simple fact that God does know everything that happens to me and is interested in each and every thing in my life and I can be assured that He will "participate" and "guide" me in my daily decisions.
As I elluded to previously, it's been so crazy with so many things happening so fast...I'm making decisions about the company so quickly and spur-of-the-moment that I was feeling very scared that I was acting on my own accord and was wondering if these decisions were not "of God." Since March 31 my number one fear and paranoia has been to make a step in my life without God's guidance and assurance that it is as He would want. My peace of mind that God was in control of my life was/is coming from me totally making sure every step was guided by Him.
But, decisions were being made so quickly that I began to fear that it was me making those devisions and not God. You just can't stop in the middle of things flying by you and say a prayer all the time...you've just got to "go with your gut."
So, I'm reading about King David right? And turn over to Psalm 139, and read verses 1-6, 17, 23-24. Oh ya baby!!!
"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you it it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in--behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful me,
too lofty for me to attain."
"How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!"
"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts,
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."
So, I began thinking...there are anxious thoughts in my brain...I have fear and distrust over whether I'm the one making these quick decisions or God. Is God in control? Is He guiding me? Am I making the right decisions? Oh yes...this is "offensive" in the Lord's eyes because I'm not believing He's in control. I'm doubting Him...doubting and distrusting whether he is in control of my life...even these little moments of simple decisions. He knows me. He KNOWS me. When I sit, when I rise...He knows my thoughts from afar, He is familiar with ALL my ways (my day to day ways, the little things/decisions in my life) and He has hemmed me in behind and before. Whew. I think I've been making my God too small.
Read the above passages from The Message (this will kick your butt):
"God, investigate my life;
get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance,
you know what I am thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too--
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful--
I can't take it all in!"
THIS is what I learned this week!
So, last Sunday was Father's Day and I went to church...the sermon focused on fathers, but Pastor Mark talked about King David and his life...how he was a man "after God's own heart." This interested me. I wondered why God felt this way about David. So, it inspired me to begin rereading the scripture pertaining to this guy. He started out as a shepherd, then his life took a big turn in that the King of Israel invited him to become a member of his court. David lived in luxury wanting nothing, I'm sure...then all of a sudden "he lost his job' (!) and spent a long time "on the run," living in caves...like a futitve. Well, now I'm not on the run and living in caves (although my guest bedroom feels like that), but I began to relate to this guy. I'm sure he felt wronged, abandoned and lost. But, he continued to have faith in the God of Israel. He struggled with God at times questioning the "why" and anquished over what appeared to be the strength of his adversaries, but his faith remained, maybe not strong all the time, but steadfast. And, if you read his Psalms he seems to use the "sacrifice of praise" in those times of doubt, anquish and weariness. I remember around about week four or five of the last eight weeks at the Army a distinct voice told me that I ought to be in a state of praise and worship. When I felt so lost and blind to my future...not knowing what to do or even how to pray...the voice said just praise God and worship Him...like what David did in the Psalms in his darkest hours. And, I've got to tell you it provided for an amazing transformation in my physical health, my psycological health and my spiritual health. Though I still had no answers necessarily, I had some peace of mind and my physical health was protected because the stress level went down. I just seemed to develop that deep down assurance that God was, in fact, in control and I absolutely clung to that feeling, knowledge, whatever.
Okay, back to last Sunday. The one portion of the service that really got my attention was the closing prayer by the Pastor. He was speaking to the fathers in the congregation, but it hit home. He prayed that that day would begin a new chapter for those who need to forget the past and begin anew...to close that book and focus forward. Yup, I needed to hear that. The two weeks since June 2 I had been in a real funk. Functioning, working like a dog, stressed out over the caos of beginning this new business and very depressed and feeling lost over not "having a job" to go to. I realized while hearing that prayer that I needed to close that chapter officially.
When all this began back on March 31 I had started a journal to record my life and what God was saying to me. I realized last Sunday I needed to literally "close that book." I went home and ended that journal and went back to the one I was writing in previous to March 31. Just that little act helped my attitude and depression. I set my alarm Sunday night (I hadn't been doing that up to this point) and got up on Monday, got dressed, didn't sit on the couch with David and was MSNBC, but had breakfast and "went to work." It was rejuvenating. So, this week has been a good week...a lot accomplished and a feeling of more control and satisfaction. The tremendous stress is still there, but I feel more in control of it rather than it controling me.
The OTHER huge thing I learned this week was the simple fact that God does know everything that happens to me and is interested in each and every thing in my life and I can be assured that He will "participate" and "guide" me in my daily decisions.
As I elluded to previously, it's been so crazy with so many things happening so fast...I'm making decisions about the company so quickly and spur-of-the-moment that I was feeling very scared that I was acting on my own accord and was wondering if these decisions were not "of God." Since March 31 my number one fear and paranoia has been to make a step in my life without God's guidance and assurance that it is as He would want. My peace of mind that God was in control of my life was/is coming from me totally making sure every step was guided by Him.
But, decisions were being made so quickly that I began to fear that it was me making those devisions and not God. You just can't stop in the middle of things flying by you and say a prayer all the time...you've just got to "go with your gut."
So, I'm reading about King David right? And turn over to Psalm 139, and read verses 1-6, 17, 23-24. Oh ya baby!!!
"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you it it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in--behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful me,
too lofty for me to attain."
"How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!"
"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts,
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."
So, I began thinking...there are anxious thoughts in my brain...I have fear and distrust over whether I'm the one making these quick decisions or God. Is God in control? Is He guiding me? Am I making the right decisions? Oh yes...this is "offensive" in the Lord's eyes because I'm not believing He's in control. I'm doubting Him...doubting and distrusting whether he is in control of my life...even these little moments of simple decisions. He knows me. He KNOWS me. When I sit, when I rise...He knows my thoughts from afar, He is familiar with ALL my ways (my day to day ways, the little things/decisions in my life) and He has hemmed me in behind and before. Whew. I think I've been making my God too small.
Read the above passages from The Message (this will kick your butt):
"God, investigate my life;
get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance,
you know what I am thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too--
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful--
I can't take it all in!"
THIS is what I learned this week!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Hmmm
Busy, busy women. Life goes by, doesn't it, with breathtaking speed. I think Cindy and I were both hoping that you would use this site as a place where you can come and catch your breath. I pray that is happening.
I read a quote the other day, "Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away." Well, if that's the case, my life is really zooming by.
I'm sitting in my office on the second floor of "the house on Main." Right outside is a window box with trailing yellow and red petunias and an American flag stuck in the corner. I have to push wide the casement window, hold on and hang out to water these guys. You just sort of give the pitcher a good swing and hope that some of the cascading water lands on the dry soil. (It, too, can be one of life's breathtaking moments!) Good grief, we have two such boxes: one outside the office window and one outside our bedroom window. It makes for an interesting start to my day.
I'm home today with the creeping crud - some bug that is sitting both in and on my chest and throat. You cough until your sides hurt and your toes curl. Another breathtaking moment of life....literally!
Nothing profound today. Just wanted to be with good girlfriends. Let me hear from you!!!
LOL
Jamee
I read a quote the other day, "Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away." Well, if that's the case, my life is really zooming by.
I'm sitting in my office on the second floor of "the house on Main." Right outside is a window box with trailing yellow and red petunias and an American flag stuck in the corner. I have to push wide the casement window, hold on and hang out to water these guys. You just sort of give the pitcher a good swing and hope that some of the cascading water lands on the dry soil. (It, too, can be one of life's breathtaking moments!) Good grief, we have two such boxes: one outside the office window and one outside our bedroom window. It makes for an interesting start to my day.
I'm home today with the creeping crud - some bug that is sitting both in and on my chest and throat. You cough until your sides hurt and your toes curl. Another breathtaking moment of life....literally!
Nothing profound today. Just wanted to be with good girlfriends. Let me hear from you!!!
LOL
Jamee
Saturday, June 17, 2006
FINALLY!!!!
Well, I did it! After I don't know how long of trying and Cindy guiding me through this, I finally got on. Maybe that's what's been wrong with all of us is that we're so tech challenged that we've been scared away?
I've been reading all of the stuff, but I just couldn't figure out how to get there. Then Cindy told me (for the umpteenth time) and I still couldn't do it. Pathetic!
Interesting, Cindy, that you would inquire about the prayer requests that were spoken at the summit. I, too, was just wondering on the progress, etc. Although, if someone said that to me I would ask them to define "progress." Man's definition and God's are woefully different. There's a great verse in Psalm77:19 - "Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters though your footprints were not seen."
For those of you in Texas - ever been to the dinosaur park in Glen Rose? If not, go - it's really neat. Although in the summer it's hotter than hoohah!
Anyway, there's a trail that runs down next to the Brazos River and visitors to the park can hike along this trail. I was walking along when I happened to look to my right. The river is on the right and you can see down into the river bed. There are these ENORMOUS footprints - I mean they are the size of a car. Dinosaur prints embedded into the limestone on the bottom of the Brazos.
Everytime I read the verse in Psalms I think about those footprints in the riverbed. We are la-la-la-ing through life - not even conscious some days - thinking "where is God?" and all we need to do is look in the riverbed. "Your path led through the waters though your footprints were not seen." Neat, huh?
So I get back to the definition of "progress." From a human standpoint there may be "nada." But if we look in the riverbed, He's been there and He is there....and He will be there. Because He loves us.
Look down in the riverbed of your life and you'll see what I mean.
LOL
Jamee
I've been reading all of the stuff, but I just couldn't figure out how to get there. Then Cindy told me (for the umpteenth time) and I still couldn't do it. Pathetic!
Interesting, Cindy, that you would inquire about the prayer requests that were spoken at the summit. I, too, was just wondering on the progress, etc. Although, if someone said that to me I would ask them to define "progress." Man's definition and God's are woefully different. There's a great verse in Psalm77:19 - "Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters though your footprints were not seen."
For those of you in Texas - ever been to the dinosaur park in Glen Rose? If not, go - it's really neat. Although in the summer it's hotter than hoohah!
Anyway, there's a trail that runs down next to the Brazos River and visitors to the park can hike along this trail. I was walking along when I happened to look to my right. The river is on the right and you can see down into the river bed. There are these ENORMOUS footprints - I mean they are the size of a car. Dinosaur prints embedded into the limestone on the bottom of the Brazos.
Everytime I read the verse in Psalms I think about those footprints in the riverbed. We are la-la-la-ing through life - not even conscious some days - thinking "where is God?" and all we need to do is look in the riverbed. "Your path led through the waters though your footprints were not seen." Neat, huh?
So I get back to the definition of "progress." From a human standpoint there may be "nada." But if we look in the riverbed, He's been there and He is there....and He will be there. Because He loves us.
Look down in the riverbed of your life and you'll see what I mean.
LOL
Jamee
Friday, June 16, 2006
Sunday, June 11, 2006
The steps of a righteous man...
Okay, so I've figured out that I am having great anxiety over every move we (Stan and I) make. Oh man, it's only been one week officially and we were running around with our heads cut off we were so busy. Now, that's good. But, I felt so out of control (I know, I know God's wants it that way).
But, I'm wondering whether it is us in our "shooting from the hip" kind of approach right now because it is all happening so fast or is the HS active within us at those moments of decision? I have great anxiety over that thought. I'm so afraid of taking a step without hearing the HS or am so rushed and overwhelmed as to not hear what He is saying to us.
Stuff like lease or buy furniture, which place are we to have an office, which equipment to purchase, how much money do we borrow and from who, etc., etc. It's all so overwhelming and we don't know what the hell we're doing!
Then today I read Proverbs 4: 11-12,
"I guide you in the way of wisdom
and lead you along straight paths.
When you walk, your steps will not be hampered;
when you run, you will not stumble."
Okay, two days ago I receive the verses in Psalm 37 about "...though I stumble, I will not fall..." I believe that was referring to my last days at the Army.
How ironic that today I receive these verses in Proverbs, speaking about my future, that I will "run and not stumble" and that "I guide you in the way of wisdom."
Whew. It's too glorious to consider and wrap my brain around.
Continue to pray for Stan and me and OMM Productions, LLC. That our steps would be guided by the Lord and that we will not fear to press on.
BTW, you know, this isn't the CINDY BLOG or even the CINDY BLOB. I'm the only one posting here. I want to hear from you guys!!! What's going on in your own lives? How are you Mary? and your hubby's search for a new career path? And, what's going on with you Tina? How's your family? What's the latest with your boss Laurie? How's that spiritual warfare going? And Carla, how did the implementation of the new accounting system go? Come you girlfriends...let's hear from you.
Love ya,
C
But, I'm wondering whether it is us in our "shooting from the hip" kind of approach right now because it is all happening so fast or is the HS active within us at those moments of decision? I have great anxiety over that thought. I'm so afraid of taking a step without hearing the HS or am so rushed and overwhelmed as to not hear what He is saying to us.
Stuff like lease or buy furniture, which place are we to have an office, which equipment to purchase, how much money do we borrow and from who, etc., etc. It's all so overwhelming and we don't know what the hell we're doing!
Then today I read Proverbs 4: 11-12,
"I guide you in the way of wisdom
and lead you along straight paths.
When you walk, your steps will not be hampered;
when you run, you will not stumble."
Okay, two days ago I receive the verses in Psalm 37 about "...though I stumble, I will not fall..." I believe that was referring to my last days at the Army.
How ironic that today I receive these verses in Proverbs, speaking about my future, that I will "run and not stumble" and that "I guide you in the way of wisdom."
Whew. It's too glorious to consider and wrap my brain around.
Continue to pray for Stan and me and OMM Productions, LLC. That our steps would be guided by the Lord and that we will not fear to press on.
BTW, you know, this isn't the CINDY BLOG or even the CINDY BLOB. I'm the only one posting here. I want to hear from you guys!!! What's going on in your own lives? How are you Mary? and your hubby's search for a new career path? And, what's going on with you Tina? How's your family? What's the latest with your boss Laurie? How's that spiritual warfare going? And Carla, how did the implementation of the new accounting system go? Come you girlfriends...let's hear from you.
Love ya,
C
Friday, June 09, 2006
God Reigns
If you were to ask me what the title of this post would be an hour ago it would have been something like "anguish of the heart" or "the wounded." But, I am in my hotel room at the Stoneleigh (checked in last night) spending the day with the Lord, and my heart is full of praise and worship.
I am crushed in the spirit and have stumbled in many ways over the past two weeks. But, just now I found Psalm 37: 26-27
"If the Lord delights in a man's way
he make his step firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the Lord upholds him with His hand."
So, I've had those two verses underlined for many years...never quite understanding that if the Lord is making my steps firms, then why would I stumble? Today I know. I know what I know! Hallelujah!
My steps have been firm these last weeks. Firm in conviction, in loyalty to the Army, firm in truth to myself...but I have stumbled in small ways I'm not going to get into here. I have felt great guilt and sadness. But, in this hour I experience forgiveness and the Lord's mercy.
II Corinthians 4:7-12, 17-18
v8-9 "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; stuck down, but not destroyed."
An hour ago I wrote in my journal that I felt abandoned last week. Abandoned by Stan, by David and by our boss. On Friday when I left, I was the only one left and felt all alone.
I see now that I was not alone. Funny how God reveals Himself to us when we are ready to see Him. I couldn't see Him on Friday. I do this hour.
I continue to rest and heal.
C
I am crushed in the spirit and have stumbled in many ways over the past two weeks. But, just now I found Psalm 37: 26-27
"If the Lord delights in a man's way
he make his step firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the Lord upholds him with His hand."
So, I've had those two verses underlined for many years...never quite understanding that if the Lord is making my steps firms, then why would I stumble? Today I know. I know what I know! Hallelujah!
My steps have been firm these last weeks. Firm in conviction, in loyalty to the Army, firm in truth to myself...but I have stumbled in small ways I'm not going to get into here. I have felt great guilt and sadness. But, in this hour I experience forgiveness and the Lord's mercy.
II Corinthians 4:7-12, 17-18
v8-9 "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; stuck down, but not destroyed."
An hour ago I wrote in my journal that I felt abandoned last week. Abandoned by Stan, by David and by our boss. On Friday when I left, I was the only one left and felt all alone.
I see now that I was not alone. Funny how God reveals Himself to us when we are ready to see Him. I couldn't see Him on Friday. I do this hour.
I continue to rest and heal.
C
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Sigh...
Well, Friday was awful...I'm so glad its over. It would have been okay...managable... if it hadn't been for our rouge employee. Blattantly lifting stuff knowing GS wasn't there on Friday and sporting an attitude of "I dare you to say anthing!" When I went downstairs and saw more stuff missing I just started crying. All of us in the office are probably guilty of walking away with pens, file folders, sticky note pads...whatever...but is it right to feel there's a line that one can cross? And, this person crossed it, went down the street and around the corner!
Stan was buddy-buddy with him all day, which made me extremely mad. I understand that he was trying to maintain a relationship with him out of fear that he may burn his bridge with us and do something whacked like try to steal some clients...but I was so upset.
I just felt hurt, hurt, hurt. I was the last to leave and just felt awful, very very hurt that the day was so bad, that long time relationships would end this way...friendships gone. I can't even talk to Stan right now.
I need to get away...somewhere. I feel raw and wounded.
C
Stan was buddy-buddy with him all day, which made me extremely mad. I understand that he was trying to maintain a relationship with him out of fear that he may burn his bridge with us and do something whacked like try to steal some clients...but I was so upset.
I just felt hurt, hurt, hurt. I was the last to leave and just felt awful, very very hurt that the day was so bad, that long time relationships would end this way...friendships gone. I can't even talk to Stan right now.
I need to get away...somewhere. I feel raw and wounded.
C
Thursday, June 01, 2006
The Last 24 Hours
Well, the last 24 hours are here. Thank God. I'm eager to get on with it, past it, beyond it and over it. This week's been very stressful. Can't explain here, but true personalities bubbled up to the top and it got unpleasant. It's very sad and heartbreaking. This is not administration, but from within our own ranks. It was confronted today by administration and at the end of the day Stan and I feel truth won out.
Anyway, that's all written in code, but suffice it to say I just want to get through tomorrow without any further stupidity coming from anyone within our ranks. Geez.
I'm doing pretty good this week besides that stress. I'm physically and mentally exhausted...but emotionally I'm doing okay. It was recommended that I take some time off to heal...I believe this is very wise advice. I'm just wiped. A beach would be nice. We'll see. Tuesday eve I only slept one hour. Last night was better, but woke up at 5:15am (I know Cathy is reading this saying, "Is she nuts?! I'm up at 5:00am every morning!!!"). Oh no, wait a minute, Cathy called me the other day saying she couldn't get onto the "blob" at work. Yes, that's what she called it..."the blob." I said, "Cathy, it's a BLOG. Not a BLOB."
HA...goofy girl! :+)
Anyway, I'm ready for tomorrow. Praise God for taking such care of us these past 8 weeks. Not heard a word from the DC since 3/31. Interesting. Stan and I have seen him only twice when we asked for an audience with him.
All for now...I'm exhausted...got to sleep. Love you all.
C
Anyway, that's all written in code, but suffice it to say I just want to get through tomorrow without any further stupidity coming from anyone within our ranks. Geez.
I'm doing pretty good this week besides that stress. I'm physically and mentally exhausted...but emotionally I'm doing okay. It was recommended that I take some time off to heal...I believe this is very wise advice. I'm just wiped. A beach would be nice. We'll see. Tuesday eve I only slept one hour. Last night was better, but woke up at 5:15am (I know Cathy is reading this saying, "Is she nuts?! I'm up at 5:00am every morning!!!"). Oh no, wait a minute, Cathy called me the other day saying she couldn't get onto the "blob" at work. Yes, that's what she called it..."the blob." I said, "Cathy, it's a BLOG. Not a BLOB."
HA...goofy girl! :+)
Anyway, I'm ready for tomorrow. Praise God for taking such care of us these past 8 weeks. Not heard a word from the DC since 3/31. Interesting. Stan and I have seen him only twice when we asked for an audience with him.
All for now...I'm exhausted...got to sleep. Love you all.
C
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
And, the Lord speaks...
The Lord has been speaking today to me. I suppose He's been speaking to me every day, but I've been a zombie the last 7-10 days, so I haven't been focusing much on anything...just going through the days and the motions.
Anyway, first of all I walked past the mailroom this morning on the way upstairs and Wayne (the mailroom guy) had his radio on...it was playing Blessed Assurance. For the background regarding that song...see my other blog www.explorerofworlds.blogspot.com
Jamee, blessed soul, called me and gave me Deuteronomy 1:6..."The Lord our God said to us, 'You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Break camp and advance...'"
And, she said to me, "You're going to come to a meadow one day and turn around and see everything in a kinder light."
Sigh...just what I needed to hear.
Then, I heard from the Lord through my dear friend Sue by way of several phone calls and a beautiful card today. On the outside it said, "He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm: Psalm 40:2. On the inside it said, "The water may be swirling, the waves may be crashing, but you are standing on the solid rock of God's love...and that puts you on the highest possible ground." Thank you Susan. xo
I need this scripture so much this week...God's voice. Please be God's voice for me this week Girlfriends. I need to hear from you/Him.
C
Anyway, first of all I walked past the mailroom this morning on the way upstairs and Wayne (the mailroom guy) had his radio on...it was playing Blessed Assurance. For the background regarding that song...see my other blog www.explorerofworlds.blogspot.com
Jamee, blessed soul, called me and gave me Deuteronomy 1:6..."The Lord our God said to us, 'You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Break camp and advance...'"
And, she said to me, "You're going to come to a meadow one day and turn around and see everything in a kinder light."
Sigh...just what I needed to hear.
Then, I heard from the Lord through my dear friend Sue by way of several phone calls and a beautiful card today. On the outside it said, "He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm: Psalm 40:2. On the inside it said, "The water may be swirling, the waves may be crashing, but you are standing on the solid rock of God's love...and that puts you on the highest possible ground." Thank you Susan. xo
I need this scripture so much this week...God's voice. Please be God's voice for me this week Girlfriends. I need to hear from you/Him.
C
Monday, May 29, 2006
Last Week
Well, as I sit here Monday evening thinking about the next four days, I wonder how I'll handle it. Last week I was a mess...cried just about every day. I hope I don't do that this week. It's really hitting me hard right now. Can't believe after 22 years the Army has laid me off. Can't believe really that no one has called to see if I would be interested in doing something else within the organization. For once, I'd sure like to be wanted...to be sought after. Wouldn't we all, right?
I'm so feeling sorry for myself! :+) Well, I deserve it for just a second or two then I know I need to move on.
It's just a real kick in the butt.
Sigh...
I'm so feeling sorry for myself! :+) Well, I deserve it for just a second or two then I know I need to move on.
It's just a real kick in the butt.
Sigh...
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
LUKE 10:10-11
Our Boss (GS) came by to see me today. Stan and I had asked if we could edit with the equipment in June. Because we didn't get the equipment we're kind of screwed because we have a two weeks edit with one client and a shoot/edit with another in June. There's no way to get new equipment ordered by then. Boss came by today to say the Finance Board declined our request although the Boss said yes it was fine with him. Poor guy. He has a great deal of compassion for us and yet he keeps getting turned down by higher ups. So, I've got to contact our two clients and see if we can postpone or make another arrangement. Very stressful.
Stan is home in bed with pneumonia. He finally went to the doc yesterday and the doc sent him home. The stress of eveything is coming out this way for him. Me, I've been weeping every day since Sunday. BTW, Stan's mother had emergency surgery today with a ruptured spleen. Please pray for the Gilbert family...they are under attack.
The Boss also said he wanted me to know that the Colonel wrote a letter to our territorial headquarters in Atlanta (Mister Business Secretary and Mr new TC) that was very strong saying how disappointed he was with the treatment THQ was giving Stan and I and how upset he was that they were over-riding DHQ's handling of OMM's affairs. I appreciated hearing that. The Boss also said that he and Colonel and the Finance Board all feel grateful to Stan and I for our positive and honest attitudes throughout this ordeal. He said he and Colonel respect our integrity and feel we have been forthright and honest. He said he was talking to someone at THQ yesterday and they said something derogatory about us, and the Boss said he stopped that person mid-sentence and said, "Wait a minute. You will not say that about Stan and Cindy, because they have displayed the utmost integrity and conducted themselves with honesty throughout this event. The closing of OMM has nothing to do with them. Nothing. " Mr GS said, " Cindy I want you to know that kind of talk will not happen on my watch!" I got real teary eyed at that..knowing people are saying unkind things and lies about us hurts more than OMM closing. It just makes me sick. All my years of service and I leave with people saying derogatory things about me?! What the hell is that about?! I feel it so unnecessary. Why do we have to go through that, too? Yet, I wonder if God wants us to shake off our sandals and leave this "city" behind. It pains me to think He may want us to leave the Army behind...at least certain areas of the Army.
But, it did make me feel good that someone at least is sticking up for us.
Sigh...note time. I can't sleep...
Stan is home in bed with pneumonia. He finally went to the doc yesterday and the doc sent him home. The stress of eveything is coming out this way for him. Me, I've been weeping every day since Sunday. BTW, Stan's mother had emergency surgery today with a ruptured spleen. Please pray for the Gilbert family...they are under attack.
The Boss also said he wanted me to know that the Colonel wrote a letter to our territorial headquarters in Atlanta (Mister Business Secretary and Mr new TC) that was very strong saying how disappointed he was with the treatment THQ was giving Stan and I and how upset he was that they were over-riding DHQ's handling of OMM's affairs. I appreciated hearing that. The Boss also said that he and Colonel and the Finance Board all feel grateful to Stan and I for our positive and honest attitudes throughout this ordeal. He said he and Colonel respect our integrity and feel we have been forthright and honest. He said he was talking to someone at THQ yesterday and they said something derogatory about us, and the Boss said he stopped that person mid-sentence and said, "Wait a minute. You will not say that about Stan and Cindy, because they have displayed the utmost integrity and conducted themselves with honesty throughout this event. The closing of OMM has nothing to do with them. Nothing. " Mr GS said, " Cindy I want you to know that kind of talk will not happen on my watch!" I got real teary eyed at that..knowing people are saying unkind things and lies about us hurts more than OMM closing. It just makes me sick. All my years of service and I leave with people saying derogatory things about me?! What the hell is that about?! I feel it so unnecessary. Why do we have to go through that, too? Yet, I wonder if God wants us to shake off our sandals and leave this "city" behind. It pains me to think He may want us to leave the Army behind...at least certain areas of the Army.
But, it did make me feel good that someone at least is sticking up for us.
Sigh...note time. I can't sleep...
Monday, May 22, 2006
SIGH.....
I cleaned out my office on Saturday. David went with me so I was able to keep my emotions in check. It took a lot longer than I expected, but we got it done. I was so grateful that he was there. Then yesterday in church I could hardly stay awake during the sermon. I felt exhausted although I felt like I slept good...guess not. I snapped out of my droopy eyes just when Pastor Mark was saying, "This is not your fight. This is God's fight. Go home and look up II Chronicles 20." Oh boy, another confirmation for me. I don't feel like I'm taking on "the fight", but I sure am exhausted all of a sudden. Since last week. I've slipped into a slump! Then today I was weepy all day, although coming into my office that is now totally bare didn't help. I'm just so sad. Jamee suggested (with great force) she thinks that God is telling me to take some time off in June before going full force into "the business." I think she's right, although I've got a two week edit starting June 12. But between the 2nd to the 12th are 10 days so perhaps I will take some time. I would like to do that on a beach somewhere....sigh....
Saturday, May 20, 2006
My Great Romance
Hello Ladies,
It's after midnight in the Donovan household and that means free time for me. Tonight was date night for Michael and I; we go out (alone) a couple of nights every month.
We spent the evening discussing Michael's favorite topic these days The Insanity of George W. Bush. YAE! I guess he must have sensed my frustration with the subject, so with righteous indignation he said, "I'm allowed my political convictions." And as the dutiful wife I nodded and listened…NOT! Once our food arrived I prayed that the Lord would bless our food and that someday my husband's convictions would be more about the Holy Spirit than politics (he appreciated the humor).
However, on the drive home it was I who was convicted by the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit encouraged me to share with Michael My Great Romance. The words I so freely shared with you all during our retreat I poured out all over my husband; with all the passion I could muster in the dark cab of the truck I told him my deepest desire; how I look forward with much anticipation to the day that our mutual love for God would be a our biggest passion, Our Greatest Romance.
I then asked him if he understood how much peace, love and hope I find in know God. He nodded, but I don’t believe he’s really thought about it before, I know he’s thinking about it tonight.
We talked about how he should be enjoying his walk with the Lord. I asked him to just let God be God, father, friend... just let Him in. Michael open up about his difficulties in accepting God's love and shared some things about his father that keeps him from embracing God's amazing grace.
I was left with this new certainty that Michael wants to understand God and His amazing love. So much was said and understood in that short drive home; we now have a point of reference for a continued dialogue. Maybe this is the beginning of a new romance, Michael and the Father.
Keep us in your prayers. It's late. I'll keep you posted.
It's after midnight in the Donovan household and that means free time for me. Tonight was date night for Michael and I; we go out (alone) a couple of nights every month.
We spent the evening discussing Michael's favorite topic these days The Insanity of George W. Bush. YAE! I guess he must have sensed my frustration with the subject, so with righteous indignation he said, "I'm allowed my political convictions." And as the dutiful wife I nodded and listened…NOT! Once our food arrived I prayed that the Lord would bless our food and that someday my husband's convictions would be more about the Holy Spirit than politics (he appreciated the humor).
However, on the drive home it was I who was convicted by the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit encouraged me to share with Michael My Great Romance. The words I so freely shared with you all during our retreat I poured out all over my husband; with all the passion I could muster in the dark cab of the truck I told him my deepest desire; how I look forward with much anticipation to the day that our mutual love for God would be a our biggest passion, Our Greatest Romance.
I then asked him if he understood how much peace, love and hope I find in know God. He nodded, but I don’t believe he’s really thought about it before, I know he’s thinking about it tonight.
We talked about how he should be enjoying his walk with the Lord. I asked him to just let God be God, father, friend... just let Him in. Michael open up about his difficulties in accepting God's love and shared some things about his father that keeps him from embracing God's amazing grace.
I was left with this new certainty that Michael wants to understand God and His amazing love. So much was said and understood in that short drive home; we now have a point of reference for a continued dialogue. Maybe this is the beginning of a new romance, Michael and the Father.
Keep us in your prayers. It's late. I'll keep you posted.
God Bless
Friday, May 19, 2006
I have no idea what I'm doing
I will send this in to cyperspace with no idea if anyone will be able to read it. Very unnerving (does that have two n's?) It's sort of like praying - sending the desires of your heart into God's silence and hope that He hears. Well, He's certainly more dependable than a blog site, but it's kind of a neat analogy.
Now I have to figure out how to read all of your stuff.
Now I have to figure out how to read all of your stuff.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
OMM EQUIPMENT
Well, we lost all the equipment. Headquarters in Atlanta refused our proposal even though the Texas Division approved it. I cried yesterday...not because I felt all was lost, but it just made me so sad that a few people in such a great organization can be so hurtful. It broke my heart. But, God is taking care of us. What a rollar coaster ride of emotions. Trust in God is steadfast, but boy are we on a wild ride. We're waiting a few days to let our emotions settle and then will regroup and formulate a new equipment plan. We feel strongly that we're in the midst of some fierce spiritual warfare. It is not our fight and we remain steadfast and wait upon the Lord.
Cindy
Cindy
Monday, May 15, 2006
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Latest from Tina
Tina emailed me on the Monday after the Summit with the following message. She said I could share this with you guys.
"I had the BEST day yesterday!! As you know I rushed off to Victor's (son) soccer game. After that, my family got together for my nieces 18th b'day [Rick's daughter]. We ate at Rick's fav place and had the best time. We laughed and acted silly and it felt good to be together. We even had the best waitress who acted silly and laughed with us! THEN...we went to Jack's (sister) house and played vball in her back yard. The kids were all playing and we acted really silly, there too. [Her neighbors probaby think we were smoking something!] THEN...Bobby Alonzo called (friend), was coming through and we met him for a late dinner [at my fav place]. We sat out on the patio and talked and I told him about the weekend, who was there, etc. Then he came back to the house and we watched your DVD. Cindy, this was sooo good. Bobby is searching and wants to make things better for his family and this really spoke to him. I didn't get him back to his truck until 12:30 AM. It was a loong day, but a GREAT day"
What a great report from Tina! Sounds like her family had a wonderful day together...a real healing kind of day. Perfect! Thanks for sharing Tina.
"I had the BEST day yesterday!! As you know I rushed off to Victor's (son) soccer game. After that, my family got together for my nieces 18th b'day [Rick's daughter]. We ate at Rick's fav place and had the best time. We laughed and acted silly and it felt good to be together. We even had the best waitress who acted silly and laughed with us! THEN...we went to Jack's (sister) house and played vball in her back yard. The kids were all playing and we acted really silly, there too. [Her neighbors probaby think we were smoking something!] THEN...Bobby Alonzo called (friend), was coming through and we met him for a late dinner [at my fav place]. We sat out on the patio and talked and I told him about the weekend, who was there, etc. Then he came back to the house and we watched your DVD. Cindy, this was sooo good. Bobby is searching and wants to make things better for his family and this really spoke to him. I didn't get him back to his truck until 12:30 AM. It was a loong day, but a GREAT day"
What a great report from Tina! Sounds like her family had a wonderful day together...a real healing kind of day. Perfect! Thanks for sharing Tina.
The Woman and the Pots
There's been a hitch in the new OMM getting the equipment from The Salvation Army for our business. The headquarters in Atlanta is becoming involved. We'll know more after next Tuesday. But, as I looked over my notes from our weekend, I came across notes from our study on the story of the widow in II Kings 4. I wrote in my Journal: "This woman's expectation level of God's ability to provide determined the quality of her lifestyle to come." God has been so gracious in these past five weeks. The evidence has been overwhelming. I have the evidence and yet I falter. God WILL provide and bless OMM Productions, LLC! Cindy
Saturday, May 13, 2006
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