When There is no Plan

So, I’ve always thought it has been a blessing to be equal parts right-brain and left-brain.  But, as of late I’m thinking being half left-brain is…well, not a curse, but certainly trying.

I LOVE being organized.  I have to be organized.  Otherwise my entire being is out of sorts.  I can’t think straight…it discombobulates me on all levels and I have a hard time functioning.  I don’t run at 100% capacity and, believe me; it’s hard enough keeping all the plates twirling when you’re in your 50s.

I feel like I’m on the skydeck in Willis Tower in Chicago.  You’re out there on the precipice and there’s nothing below you.  There’s nothing but air.  No foundation on which to stand.  There is no plan. Or is there?

In 2006 I was laid off from my dream job.  The “suits” decided to close my department, and my colleagues and I were the casualties.  At the time, I was not panicky…sad, grieving-yes, but I laughed in the face of this adversity and was at peace about God’s control of the situation.

So, why am I in such a mess all these years later in a similar life situation?  The left-brain kicks in to analyze the two situations, and here’s what I discovered: in 2006, I had a plan.  Notice the word “I.”   Now, I truly believe God was in control of that situation, and that this “plan” was part of His path for me.  But, still…there was a plan, and I had it.  Today…there is no plan. Not yet, anyway. I am out there on the ledge and, whoa, I feel like there’s nothing below my feet but air. 

I hear the Lord asking me, “Just how much do you trust Me? Don’t trust in your own thoughts and ways.  You do not know My ways.  Trust Me.”

Oooooooh…but my left-brain is in crazy overload trying to figure this out.  I lay awake at night trying to make a plan, sort out a plan, I NEED A PLAN!!!   

Sigh…so I’m sitting in this space right now.  Sitting.  Trying to be still…trying to quiet my left-brain.  Micah 7:8b says, “When I sit in the darkness, the Lord shall be a light to me.”

Okay, so I sit.  Aaaaaand, I realize that there is something below me, holding me up.  It is invisible like the glass beneath the feet of those in the Willis Tower skydeck.  Each panel is 1,500 pounds and comprised of three layers of half-inch thick glass.  It is uber strong, able to withstand any gale that the Windy City throws at it.  

This is my God. 

“…for the Lord grasps my hand in support and upholds me.” Psalm 37:24b

“When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,' Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, held me up.  In the multitude of my anxious thoughts within me, Your comforts cheer and delight my soul.” 

Psalm 94:18-19

Funny…if you take your eyes off of your situation and look around…

the view is spectacular!